Since I am Jolly Old St Nick’s favourite, Santa has granted me an interview, which I am more than happy to share with you:

HARTLEY: Hello Santa. You remember me. I’m the shy guy with no opinions on anything, calling from balmy Prince George, B.C., Canada. Hey, it’s been a year. Where has all the time gone?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Nice to hear your voice! Did you say, Prince George? I remember it’s a hop, skip and a jump or should I say a quick sleigh ride from my cosy home in the North Pole. Have you been up to mischief again this year? I sure hope not.

HARTLEY: Come on big fella. I don’t know the meaning of the word mischief. But this call isn’t about me. I simply want a little sneak peek at what gifts you are planning to drop off to certain “teams/individuals” on the 25th?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Always digging aren’t you? Yes, I’m just wrapping the last of the presents as I speak.

HARTLEY: Santa, how about I will call 12 names on the list, one for each of the 12 days of Christmas, and you tell me what they can expect under the tree?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! I have just finished another Nanaimo bar. Even Rudolph nods his approval. Now you were saying you want me to tell you what goodies some folks can expect. I wouldn’t do this for anybody else, but to get into the holiday spirit go ahead. I mean, why not?

HARTLEY:   Okay, let’s start with the Vancouver Canucks?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! They can expect a statute of their best player Elias Pettersson, holding the Stanley Cup. It may be the closest the Canucks ever get to the real trophy.

HARTLEY:  The Toronto Maple Leafs are not my favourite team but they need something too.

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  I will be very pleased to give them an authentic toilet seat to remind them of every bum that has suited up in their uniform.

HARTLEY:  Former Leafs coach Mike Babcock is out of work. He needs something to cheer him up.

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  I have the perfect gift for Mike. He gets a pen and paper so he can write down the list of players on his former team that worked the hardest and also list the ones that did not have a strong work ethic.

HARTLEY:  Do you have anything for Don Cherry?

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  A mirror! Since Grapes is no longer on Sportsnet, he would appreciate one so he can still admire himself.


HARTLEY:   Next on the list is the Prince George Cougars?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  Sticks, sticks and more sticks; ones that the Cougars can use to score goals.

HARTLEY:    What’s in the goodie bag for the PG Spruce Kings?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  They will get a much-needed ladder to climb out of the Mainland Division basement. It can not be very jolly for them going from the top one season to bottom the next.

HARTLEY:  What’s on the agenda for PG City Council?

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! What else? I will deliver to them a photo of what a clean drug-free downtown looks like with the hope Prince George can get that way in the new year.

HARTLEY:  The Canadian darling of tennis, U.S. Open champ Bianca Andreescu, is hoping for something special.

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  She gets a plaque that says world #1 as a reminder that is her goal in 2020.

HARTLEY: Let’s not forget the BC Lions?

Santa:   Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! A coupon book! Dollars are hard to come by in the CFL so this should come in handy for their minimum wage players.

HARTLEY:  Do you remember former NFL receiver, Antonio Brown? What present do you have in mind for him?

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  He gets a mixer, a real thick one to stir the pot.

HARTLEY:  The NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is likely looking for a unique present.

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  How does a  one-way ticket to the North Pole sound? The further away he is from the football scene the better.

HARTLEY:  One might think that Bill Belichick has everything but I am sure you can still put something under his tree.

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  I sure can. The perfect gift for the New England Patriots head coach is a “sign” so hopefully, it will be on to Cincinnati without having to steal one.

HARTLEY: Well, Santa. You have a great sense of humour as always with your tongue stuck in your cheek. Say Hi to Rudy, Dixon, Blixon, Nixon, Hixon and the rest of the gang. Hope you can fit down my chimney on Thursday. See you then.

Santa:   Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Yes, Santa gets the last word. I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a safe, happy, holiday season.

#

This is season two of Hartley’s Cat Scan, a weekly podcast show that primarily features the Prince George Cougars.

My guest on the 14th Cat Scan in year two is former NHL defenceman Stu Malgunas of Prince George.

Stu, a PG Cougars assistant coach from 2003 to 2007, talks about how he overcame major injuries to play pro hockey for over 10 years, what it was like to coach Dustin Byfuglien, growing up in his hometown of PG and memorable highlights from his career.


FROM THE QUOTE RACK:  

The best place in America to experience New Year’s Eve, according to a WalletHub.com study, is New York City. Except now there’s bickering over whether it’s a Jets or Giants receiver who gets to drop the ball at midnight.

*Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times http://www.seattletimes.com/author/dwight-perry/

According to a study, Cincinnati is the number one city for beer drinking in the U.S. You didn’t think anyone went to Reds and Bengals games to actually watch them play?

*Comedy writer Jim Barach http://jokesbyjim.blogspot.ca/

After their final game in Oakland, the Raiders were booed and jeered off the field by the home fans after suffering a brutal last-minute loss to the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars. In fact, some believe that the American hostages received a friendlier sendoff from the crowd in Tehran when they left there in 1980.

*Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

So as the Raiders prepare to leave Oakland again, too soon to lay odds on how long until Las Vegas doesn’t want them either?

*Comedy writer Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com


IN CASE YOU MISS
ED IT:

The Consumer Price Index claims today the 12 Days of Christmas would cost $170,298. That’s about $62,000 less than the Angels will pay Mike Trout — per game.

*Canadian comedy writer RJ Currie www.Sportsdeke.com

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Hartley Miller is the news and sports supervisor and morning news anchor for 94.3 the GOAT and Country 97.
He also is the 94.3 radio colour commentator for P.G. Cougars home games.
His column appears Fridays on myprincegeorgenow.com.
Send along a quote, note, or anecdote to hmiller@thegoatrocks.ca