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HomeSportsHart AttackHARTLEY’S HART ATTACK – (Under the tree) December 23rd, 2022 EDITION 920

HARTLEY’S HART ATTACK – (Under the tree) December 23rd, 2022 EDITION 920

Let the festive season continue!

Santa is about to leave the North Pole and will be making his much-anticipated arrival this weekend. Yippee!

St. Nick is a master at keeping a secret and will not divulge information to anyone about gifts he, the reindeer, and Mrs Claus have made during the past 365 days.

Since I am Jolly Old St Nick’s favourite, Santa has granted me an interview, which I am more than happy to share with you:

HARTLEY: Hello Santa. You remember me. I’m the shy guy with no opinions on anything, calling from balmy Prince George, B.C., Canada. Hey, it’s been a year. Where has all the time gone?

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Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Nice to hear your voice! Did you say, Prince George? I remember it is a hop, skip and a jump or should I say a quick sleigh ride from my comfy home at the North Pole. Have you been up to mischief again this year? I sure hope not.

HARTLEY: Come on big fella. I don’t know the meaning of the word mischief. But this call isn’t about me. I simply want a little sneak peek at what gifts you are planning to drop off to certain “teams/individuals” on the 25th.

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Always digging aren’t you? Yes, I’m just wrapping the last of the presents as I speak.

HARTLEY: Santa, how about I will call several names on the list and you tell me what they can expect under the tree?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! I have just finished another Nanaimo bar. Even Rudolph nods his approval. Now you were saying you want me to tell you what goodies some folks can expect. I wouldn’t do this for anybody else, but to get into the holiday spirit go ahead. I mean, why not?

HARTLEY:   Okay, let’s start with the Vancouver Canucks.

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! They can expect a statute of arguably their best player Elias Pettersson, holding the Stanley Cup. It may be the closest the Canucks ever get to the real trophy.

HARTLEY:  The Toronto Maple Leafs are not my favourite team but they need something too.

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Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  I will be very pleased to give them an authentic toilet seat to remind them of every bum that has suited up in their uniform.

HARTLEY:  Do you have something to cheer up the NHL’s worst team, the Chicago Blackhawks?

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! The Blackhawks get some sticks, which are designed to score goals since the team has a league-low 70 in 31 games.

HARTLEY:  Do you have anything for Prince George Cougars captain Ethan Samson?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  I sure do, not one but two Teddy Bears. This will be a friendly reminder of the Teddy Bear goals he scored in back-to-back years at CN Centre.

Hartley: CFL players could use something nice under the tree. What do you have for them?

Santa:   Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! A coupon book! Dollars are hard to come by in the CFL so this should come in handy for their minimum-wage players.

HARTLEY:  New York Jets QB Zach Wilson is having a difficult time. Do you have something he could use?

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Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! He gets a one-way ticket to the North Pole. The further he is away from all those boo-birds in New York the better.

HARTLEY:  Tom Brady needs some cheering up since he has a losing record for the first time in his career. What do you have for the 7-time Super Bowl champ?

Santa:  Ho!! Ho!! Ho!!  He gets a tablet, one that is designed to take a beating the next time he decides to throw it after another frustrating play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

HARTLEY: Brady’s former coach in New England, Bill Belichick is a bit grumpy these days as the Patriots are coming off a devastating loss. Do you have anything for the 70-year-old?

Santa:   Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! He gets a much-needed new playbook. I can assure you the one under the tree does not contain any bizarre unnecessary laterals late in a tie game.

HARTLEY: Well, Santa. You have a great sense of humour as always with your tongue stuck in your cheek. Say Hi to Rudy, Dixon, Blixon, Nixon, Hixon and the rest of the gang. Hope you can fit down my chimney Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Santa:   Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Yes, Santa gets the last word. I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a safe, happy, holiday season.

 

Cat Scan podcast:

 

FROM THE QUOTE RACK:

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

*Santa Claus and his helpers (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolf)

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US First Lady Jill Biden was booed by the Philadelphia crowd before the Eagles-Cowboys game earlier this season. ’I feel your pain’ said a note passed on to her—-signed by Santa Claus.

*Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

Not sure what NFL fans asked Santa for this Christmas, but the Christmas turkey is arriving in the afternoon – the 4-10 Broncos vs the 4-10 Rams.

*Comedy writer Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com

Rumour has it two members of the Red Deer WHL junior hockey team believe in Santa. The rest are Rebels without a Claus.

*Western Canadian comedy writer RJ Currie www.Sportsdeke.com

Hartley Miller is the news and sports director/supervisor plus morning news anchor for 94.3 the GOAT and Country 97fm. He is in his 10th season as the radio colour commentator for Prince George Cougars’ home games. Hartley has been on the airwaves in PG since 1979 and is the author of You Don’t Say (sports quotes).

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